Apologies in advance, but this post will be a bit darker than previous posts.
I’ve been thinking, as one does, and—-
People are better than the worst thing they’ve done.
Random thought? Yes. But, this thought resonated with me as I watched FX’s The Bear.
The show features a loud cast of characters who somehow always seem angry and fond of each other at the same time. I realized the characters all commit so-called bad acts, but then later they each commit an act of goodwill. None of the characters are categorically good or bad. They’re just people. And people fuck up.
They also can show the greatest kindness. And then they fuck up again.
The lead character, Carmy (played by Jeremy Allen White), seems to have anxiety about failing in a new career venture. Oversimplification, but it semi-fits.
And boy, can I fucking relate.
For the last year, I’ve had an intense fear of failure. My fear of not finding a job has defined me. I let it define me. I told myself that if I couldn’t find a full-time teaching job, that I was less than. Lacking job stability is certainly not the worst thing I’ve ever done. Though, it’s felt like the worst thing that has happened to me in years.
Talking to a therapist has helped, along with podcasts like Roy Wood Jr’s Roy’s Job Fair.
Knowing I’m not the only person struggling, or defining myself through my profession, helps put things in perspective.
And I remind myself, not being a teacher won’t be the worst thing.
If only the reminder would stick.